When I transitioned to being a coach, one thing I had to face and let go of, was a reliance on external forms of validation.
Was my title what made me visible?
I remember talking with a mentor in those early days of setting up my business. I shared that I was uncomfortable not having my Vice President title anymore. It had given me a solid sense of status, and credibility, and it was a traditional reference point.
My university degrees were from institutions that were well-known and admired, but I predicted that mentioning my coaching school, as great as it is, likely wouldn’t get much reaction.
Through my career in architecture, engineering, and project management, I wasn’t truly aware of leadership coaching. It wasn’t visible to me.
And now that I was becoming a coach, I was feeling a risk of being invisible, or unmemorable.
Inserting something new into ‘the system’ I had worked in was going to mean surrendering parts of that system that I had relied on.
That conversation with a mentor got me to question why I was grasping for new versions of those things – like titles and job descriptions. Basically, why did it matter that a stranger saw value in my work?
Letting go of the ladder didn’t have to mean being adrift
It didn’t happen overnight, but over time I felt lighter as I focused on the value my clients were feeling, and on what was energizing me intrinsically.
My sense of validation was eventually not tied to where I was on the proverbial ladder. I had been feeling adrift because I wasn’t on the ladder anymore. Then it was pointed out to me that the ladder itself isn’t anchored anywhere so why would my relation to it feel any different?
Levels aren’t the only marker of progress
As a solopreneur, I’m the owner, founder, president of my business, as well as the office cleaner, website administrator, snack cart attendant.
I don’t have a predefined “next level”. There’s no next grade like in school. There’s no next classification like in the public service. There’s no next hierarchical title. And remembering how that used to make me nervous, helps me see how far I’ve come in trusting myself to progress my own way.
Exercise to connect with internal validation
Here’s something you can do this week to similarly connect with your internal sense of validation.
- Today: Think of a recent day that your gut says was a really great day. Make a note of what contributed to it being a really great day.
- Through the week: At the end of every day, reflect on what parts of the day felt really great, and thoughts on why.
- At the end of the week: Review your notes, and notice any patterns to keep in mind, and notice how you motivated you feel.
