It’s a frustrating thought –
“If I knew someone in the field/job/location I’m interested in, then I’d already be talking with them! So why do I keep getting advice to use my network?”
I got tired of hearing – “Use your network.”
The next frustrating thought is –
“When will I cross paths with the right person to add them to my network and finally get some new exposure?!”
This can also sound like: “I guess I’ll keep going to conferences and events and handing out my business card.”
I am very familiar with the deep breath before choosing to walk into yet another ballroom wondering if that would be the day that I met someone who could open a door. A new client. A new partnership. A new idea.
Then I was shown a different perspective
The concept of networking completely changed for me when I saw Bill Burnett and Dave Evans run a 5 minute exercise. (They’re the authors of “Designing Your Life”.)
I was prompted to come up with something I would enjoy having a conversation on. Something I really would like to learn more about. Then I was to mingle with other participants.
My goal wasn’t to find someone in the group to have a 5 minute conversation with.
My goal was to get 2 or 3 referrals to people, who likely weren’t in the group of strangers, to follow-up with.
The premise is – People are willing to give you help, just like giving you directions on the sidewalk. That is – if you tell them where you’re looking to go.
Here’s my most recent example
This came up for me just a few weeks ago. A friend reached out asking for “directions.” She was looking for a sous chef in England.
My friend is not in England and is not a sous chef. Neither am I. But I wanted to be helpful.
So I sent some messages out to contacts I have in England. “I’m wondering if you know someone who might know a sous-chef with commercial kitchen experience?”
Everyone tried to be helpful, even if just with encouragement. And like in Bill and Dave’s session, within a group of 18 people, I found 4 who might have a referral to offer!
Ways you can use the same script
It’s a powerful script: “Do you know someone who might know someone who knows about X?”
The X can be:
– working as a consultant in Dubai
– developing tiny houses
– using basketball to teach leadership to high schoolers
– picking an MBA program
– self-publishing a book
– ways to engage a remote team as a new people manager
Give it a try. I suspect you’ll be amazed at the 2 and 3 degrees of separation that exist in your network. And I suspect you’ll get an increase in people asking you for directions as well.
[UPDATE: a sous chef has been onboarded!]
TL:DR
- Base networking on something you would enjoy a conversation on
- Approach getting referrals like asking for directions
- Let people help you, by telling them something you’re looking for
