The simple lesson from this story is – never put anything on the top of a car, not even for ‘just a minute.’ The deeper lesson is that we all do something stupid occasionally, but hopefully we get better in how we deal with it. Hopefully as we strengthen leadership skills, we find it progressively easier to tap into deeper levels of humility.
Oh, you idiot
Let me share one of my “oh you idiot” moments (referring to myself). At the same time as emotionally reacting to a dumb mistake, I had to decide how to present myself in front of a client. This was a client who was relying on me to lead a full workshop with his entire staff the next day.
What was my mistake? For no good reason that I can recall, I had placed my wallet on the top of a rental car when I decided to walk around it to look for any damage. I then simply got in the car and drove away. This would be the first time (and I’m sure the last time) that I put anything on the top of a car. I realized as I arrived at the hotel what I had done, and I went back to airport rental lot and the airport lost and found, and returned to the hotel empty handed, but with a head full of crazy ideas on how to ‘play this.’
Could I completely avoid telling anyone and thus avoid their judgment? I had colleagues arriving later in the day, which presented some options like having one person pay for all of the rooms on one card because one of them must want the points, right? At the airport I had inquired about how to fly without identification, which sounded very possible if you arrived early enough for a special security check. While I am a professional strategist, even I felt like it would be a lot of manipulating and risk. Confiding in one or both of my colleagues seemed inevitable in order to get through the trip. I knew that would require some humility.
But. They weren’t in town yet. And I had a one-on-one lunch meeting with the client. I had to decide. Do I tell him, or not?
What would you do?
Facing the client
In that moment, I realized that a younger version of me would have hidden it. I would have justified it as maintaining my image as a reliable, capable professional to the client, even if logistics meant I had to ‘come clean’ with my colleagues. I would have kicked myself for days for being “so stupid” that I lost my wallet that way. I would have considered the subsequent hassles of replacing cards and buying a new wallet as “just what I get for being so stupid.” And I wouldn’t have complained or leaned on anyone as I got through it, mostly wishing for the mistake to be ‘finished.’
Instead, I didn’t hide. I also didn’t try to fake confidence in sharing but brushing it off as ‘no big deal’. As I sat down, I answered his “how are you?” with the direct honesty that I was a bit shaken and embarrassed to say that I couldn’t pay for lunch, because I bizarrely drove away from the airport leaving my wallet to fall off the roof of the car. His response to my authenticity was empathy and laughter.
I admitted that I wasn’t perfect, and more so, that I had a situation that I could actually use some help and support through. Later I would come to realize that our relationship was strengthened in that moment, and not weakened. If I was able to share that story with him, being that truthful in my mistakes and limitations, then he could have faith that I would keep being truthful with him when it came to our work together. (I also showed potential to be more entertaining and memorable than a typical consultant.)
Humility can be fun?
By the time I got the call that my wallet was found, completely intact, and could be picked up along the way to the airport to catch my flight home, a lot of people knew about my predicament. This allowed for an unexpected sense of celebration with the good news, and a shared group interest that everything turn out okay in the end. My decision to embrace my mistake and be open about muddling through it publicly, wound up actually being kind of fun – which I never would have predicted.
Humility over image
I don’t recommend intentionally getting yourself into this kind of scenario. But odds are that you will, because we are all human and we all do stupid things sometimes when we get distracted, stressed, tired, etc. So when you hear the self-talk like “how could I be so stupid?”, and when you feel the pit grow in your stomach with fear of telling anyone and being judged, and your brain scrambles for ways to maintain an image – hopefully you can remember this story.
Being truthful about mistakes, being open as you work through them, seeking help from others – these are better than any image. They show others that you can be truthful through difficult situations, and that you are approachable and will create a safe space for others to work through mistakes and help each other. Avoiding the arrogance of being perfect and self-sufficient, is what allows for collaboration. There is amazing power in tapping into and exhibiting humility.
And, of course, never put anything on the roof of the car, not even for a minute!
Exercise
Here is a lighter exercise to strengthen your humility muscle:
- Today, identify an element of a project that you simply haven’t solved yet
- Maybe it’s what to write for one section of the grant application
- Or getting a budget to balance
- Then pick a person who is connected to the project
- This week, tell that person that you aren’t stuck, or frustrated; you just want to share what you’re wrestling with.
- Really notice how you feel BEFORE, DURING, and AFTER you talk with them.
- As a bonus, call them back when you do resolve it!
