Long after design and permitting were finished, and well into the construction of a school, my client told me, “We want to add a sports field to the project.”
What I wanted to say
My first thought was – “No.” For so many reasons!
- every field I’d built cost much more than my client’s budget could possibly allow;
- there wasn’t much space on the property;
- there wasn’t any buffer in the schedule to get it done; and
- the project team was already working overtime.
I didn’t actually say No though.
What I said instead
My response instead followed a helpful three step script for when I want to say No.
First, I asked for a description of what they imagined as the final product. I heard “sports field” and I imagined 100 yards of artificial turf with stripes for football and soccer. But maybe they were okay with something different. And they were. They were curious about half-fields or just an unlined open play area.
Then I asked about timing. My first reaction assumed a deadline aligned with when the building opened. But maybe that was false. And it was. They were okay with an initial step of some simple sketches and a rough estimate. Then they could decide if we would keep moving forward with the idea at all.
Step three was to identify what would be taken away for a field to be a priority for my team’s attention and their resources. They were willing to delay decisions on wishlist items until after the building opened. They would also be pursuing grant opportunities and potential donors to help make it possible.
How it worked out
I went from initially wanting to blurt out “No I can’t do that” to feeling motivated in saying “Yes I can do a simple version of that, with an interim check-in, and additional support.”
They now have a mini-soccer field.
A Helpful Three Step Script When You Want to Say No
When you’re asked to do something (or you yourself are about to put it on your own extensive To Do list), PAUSE, and ask follow-up questions:
- What does the final outcome look like? (or as Brené Brown asks, “Paint done for me.”)
- What is a first check-in point?
- What can I take my attention away from to do this?
Give this effective three step script a few tries this week, and notice the ways that an initial request can change or in some cases is even be withdrawn.
