We are always experiencing emotions, so why do we prepare for a meeting by setting our demeanor to something neutral or politely positive? If you tried preparing for a meeting by acknowledging to yourself how you really feel, what might happen?
What might happen?
I believe we build trust with others by showing our real selves, not by showing up as perfect.
I’m not suggesting complaining, or detouring a conversation to solve a personal problem, or avoiding responsibilities. I’m suggesting that you acknowledge, “Hey, I’m pretty frustrated right now, and rather than ignore it, or pretend I’m not prickly, I could remind myself to take a breath before I talk in this meeting.” Or, “Hey, I’m really excited right now about something unrelated, and I can’t ignore it or pretend I don’t have all of this energy, so I’m going to channel it into staying focused through this meeting.”
What I hadn’t realized in my first senior staff meeting
Part way through attending my first senior staff meeting, I was passed a piece of paper with an encouraging note to share my voice. I had been dipping my toe in the water, not yet knowing if it was even a pool or a lake. I was trying to figure out what the primary purpose of the meeting was, and what decisions we needed to make. The note felt like an encouragement to just ‘jump off the diving board!’ I realized that I would need to shift my mindset if I was ever going to do that!
If I had paused before the meeting, and acknowledged my emotions, I would have said, “Hey, this is my first senior staff meeting! And I’m feeling nervous, defensive, and curious.” I was not showing up with a mindset able to frame an opinion on the fly and throw it into the mix. I could have though considered ways to participate by asking questions, and maybe by sharing how impressed I was at the speed and ease of the banter within the established group. Rather than trying to figure out how to be like them, I could have focused on what I was naturally bringing in the moment. If I had acknowledged my emotions, I know that I would have contributed in the meeting much sooner.
Exercise to Try
So, here is an exercise to try:
- Before a meeting (in-person or virtual), write down for yourself one emotion that you have in that moment
- Then consider how it could help you in the meeting
- After the meeting, write down one emotion you have in that moment.
- As you keep doing this, notice any differences – perhaps in how meetings flow, or how you engage with certain people.
- At the end of a week or two, reflect on any patterns and changes you’ve observed.
More Tips for Emotionally Preparing for Meetings
A second tip:
- As you continue the exercise, increase to writing down two emotions, or three emotions. Be really specific with the words you choose.
- Keep observing and noticing what happens for you.
A third tip:
- Start a meeting, asking everyone to share, in one word, how they are feeling or how they are showing up.
- Then wrap up the meeting with another round of one word answers for how they are leaving.
- Keep observing and noticing what happens for you, and those around you.
