Whatever you do, don’t think about a polar bear.
Hmmm, “don’t” statements, don’t really work do they?
Good Intentions May Lead to Bigger Errors
On a golf course you hear, “Don’t go out of bounds on the left”, and “Don’t go over the green into the water!”
In curling you hear, “Don’t be wide” and “Don’t be heavy!”
At work you hear, “Don’t go over the time allotted” and “Don’t speak too fast!”
The people offering this advice are well-intentioned, but the effects are often increased stress levels, and hitting the golf ball into the water!!
The White Bear Problem
One small adjustment that a coach suggested to my curling team had a big impact on me.
He shared that when we hear, “Don’t be wide”, we are asking our brain not to think about the last thing it just heard.
Known as the white bear problem, the more you actively try not to think of a polar bear, the more likely you will imagine it.
Embracing the Err Side
Our coach showed us that these “don’t” statements are basically saying, “Don’t make a mistake. Be perfect!” He reminded us that perfection is impossible, and that some aspect of our performance will be imperfect. The goal is to have the imperfection still be beneficial.
This concept is often called the “pro side error” or the “err side”. What side of perfection can my error be on, and still be valuable?
My coach encouraged us to drop the “Don’t”-s and be specific about what the err side was. Instead of “Don’t be heavy” we would say “You can be light.”
Immediately, we had a stronger mindset. We reduced the pressure on ourselves to not make mistakes. We found and acknowledged value in partial shots. The results included stronger communication and better morale. And more success.
Exercise Setting Your Expectations for Errors
So here’s an exercise to help you strengthen your expectations muscle:
- Today, make a list of a few “don’t” statements that you’ve recently told yourself, or someone else. (Ex. Don’t stay up late. Don’t be quiet. Don’t miss the report deadline.)
- Then, reframe each of them with an err side. (Ex. Go to bed on time or early. Ask at least one question in this meeting. Have the executive summary part done early.)
- Every day this week, watch for additional “don’t” statements around you, add them to your list, and consider potential err sides.
- At the end of the week, notice if you are finding the err side more easily, and reflect on how this makes you feel.
