Today, a few months into a pandemic, I am working from home in Ottawa. I have no errands to take me outside, and no video calls to align my camera for. But I am reminiscing about a warm December day in Florida, when I was standing in a generic conference center hallway, surrounded by hundreds of attendees including many with little ‘SPEAKER’ flags on their name badges. They were all affiliated with the industry I was passionate about. They had all just heard the same keynote address and seemed as energized as I was. By description, it was an accessible, welcoming environment for professional networking. In reality, I remember suddenly feeling mute and invisible. I continually saw people widen their smiles when they called out a name of someone they recognized, and shake hands energetically and then launch into conversation – until they recognized another familiar face and repeated the pattern. This was my first time at that conference and odds were very slim that anyone would recognize me. And when someone glanced long enough at my name tag to recognize the company, they asked if one of my colleagues was around. To them I acknowledge that it was a natural question; to me it reinforced the story in my head that someone else was deemed more interesting and worth the time to ‘network with.’
But why am I thinking about professional networking at a time when conferences, industry breakfasts, and lunch-and-learns are cancelled? Why am I reflecting on an uncomfortable moment? Well, because I think some moments now, during the pandemic, are giving some deeper meaning to those old lessons.
My stomach-dropped at that conference because I had a narrow idea of what ‘professional networking’ was. The story in my head encompassed various thoughts such as:
- I had to be good at small talk to get a conversation started.
- I had to also be serious and talk about ‘important’ things.
- I had to be ‘recognized’ and be invited to collaborate.
- I had to have something insightful to share and interesting to say.
- The financial investment in attending the conference would be measured against the quantity and quality of the contacts I made.
- The trajectory of my career could be impacted by every person I met and the impression I made.
That feels stressful to write yet alone embody!
This was well before TEDTalks, YouTube videos, LinkedIn articles, and podcasts. These, and plenty of other sources, exist now as an amazing support for strengthening professional networking skills. I managed to stumble through, and eventually, after enough conferences, I figured out what approaches and mindsets worked for me.
A few of the tips and tricks about speaking to a stranger with the purpose of ‘networking’, that I gathered along the way, have included:
- Translate the (hopefully easy) feeling of asking for and receiving directions from a stranger, into the feeling of approaching someone new at an event.
- Notice that a layout with high top tables will have people lean on the tables with their backs to you by default, and they won’t realize that they are blocking you; they may even be lamenting how hard it is to meet people.
- Drop the pressure for a snappy opener or a perfectly practiced elevator pitch; just be real with an “I’m <uncomfortable><new><overwhelmed><excited> but am here to meet people. I’m <insert name here>.”
- Smile if a compliment comes naturally to your mind, and then go ahead and genuinely share it, with no expectation of a response. “I like your earrings/tie/hat/logo/lanyard/cape.”
- Carry something visible that could spark a conversation, like a book or a magazine that you’re reading, your company logo on a shirt or phone case, or a favourite quote stuck to your name tag.
- Replace any pressure to find a prospective client, with a sense of adventure about finding people you enjoy talking to, with no idea when or how they will help you (or you will help them) in the future.
- Listen to what people are saying, knowing that everyone has a fascinating story if you really engage and focus on them, rather than worry about what you are going to say next.
Beyond the tips, the biggest shift for me was in throwing away the binary choices of: small talk (ugh!) or important talk (pressure!) My definition of small talk is banter that could be said to anyone (and potentially without even looking at anyone) that is inconsequential and impersonal like local weather, celebrity gossip, and old news. I later realized that this definition is not universally seen as small talk, but is probably customized to me! Someone else may hear me jabber about mega-event facilities and have their own inner monologue about my wasting their time.
Networking is about another choice: casual conversation. It is personal by showing that we see each other, and are connecting with each other. It can be fleeting. It may not lead to a world-saving discovery. But, it might contribute to the world being a better place.
The pandemic has led me to days with just brief moments of personal interaction – face mask to face mask behind Plexiglas. Recently I pre-ordered and picked up a fairly random item (a six outlet surge protector) from a local electronics store. This could have been, and I expected it to be, a mostly silent, commodity transaction. Yet, I felt both seen and appreciated by a staff member who simply asked what else I had planned for the afternoon and waited for my answer. Then, the next day, before entering a wine store, I was greeted at the hand sanitizer station. When I exited, I paused to acknowledge that the greeter had rearranged the table and we had a moment to laugh together about how she never imagined that testing different layouts for sanitizer would be part of her job. I felt GOOD after these brief interactions. They made me smile (even if no one could see it with my mask on.) I felt a simple sense of connection that doesn’t come from an email or a text message.
That’s the feeling that I had eventually discovered to be my approach to ‘professional networking’. Hence how I’m reminiscing on my lessons. The next person I meet won’t hire me on the spot. The next person I meet might not be intrigued by my being a curler. The next person I meet may look busy and distracted. Regardless, the next person I meet will appreciate, even if just a little, that I made an effort to see them.
“Again, Ann, what am I supposed to do with this during a pandemic?”
I offer that you check on your assumptions about how you define and approach small talk and big talk, and casual and serious conversations. Would a shift potentially reduce some pressure you feel toward networking?
I also offer that you leverage some current opportunities to strengthen your ease with casual conversations so when conventions, charity dinners, and awards ceremonies get on your calendar again, you will have more fun!
- Pick from the numerous online offerings of virtual meetings with break-out groups. They give you lots of no-pressure practice talking with strangers.
- Engage with service providers – rideshare, grocery staff, item/food pick-up. You might convince yourself that they are busy and would resent an interruption, but can you imagine working an entire shift and no customers made you feel noticed?
- Continue to read books to provoke your thinking. Two of my recent favorite books in this topic are: “Talking to Strangers” by Malcolm Gladwell, and “We Need to Talk” by Celeste Headlee. (There are probably many videos, podcasts, and blogs too, but I love books.)
So, who did you see recently? and what else do you have planned for today?!
