When you hear the phrase “my door is always open” what do you think it means?
Discovered more stressful than accessible
In my early working roles, I remember various managers saying the phrase “my door is always open”, as encouragement to me and my colleagues to ask for them for help whenever we needed it. I also remember laughing with my new friends, fresh out of college, as we told each other that our doors were always open – because we worked in cubicles that barely had walls, yet alone doors.
I quickly found the phrase brought me stress more than encouragement. It only took a few times of going to a door to discover the manager wasn’t there, or hosting a meeting, to realize the state of the door doesn’t always align with the accessibility of the manager. It also only took a few times of catching a manager when they’re stressed to believe that I needed to appear at the door with a very clear and concise ask. I definitely recall assessing whether my issue was ‘worth’ interrupting someone.
Difference when doors are sometimes closed
But many managers were easy to approach, so what was the difference? In hindsight, I realize that they were clearer with their boundaries and they modeled the behavior they wanted to encourage. Their doors weren’t always open, they were sometimes closed. They would indicate on a board or a calendar when they would be out. They would regularly be seen visiting other open doors and cubicles.
Even harder to connect when working remotely
In our new environments of remote working, we really don’t have doors, but being clear with boundaries and role-modeling is still important, and perhaps more important now. I’ve played with various options for letting someone figuratively knock on my door with the expectation that I’ll answer – like letting everyone see my calendar, having regularly scheduled ‘water cooler’ breaks, and blocking time for anyone to book a meeting with me. It’s not enough to say ‘you can reach me’. I needed to role-model what ‘reaching out could look like’. I explored text message check-ins, quick question emails, and ‘just thought I’d see if you had a moment’ phone calls.
It’s a simple phrase – my door is always open – but it requires daily practice to truly embody.
Exercise
So here is an exercise for you to strengthen your Connection muscle:
- Today, pick one form of having your door open.
- Maybe it’s times you’re on a messaging app, a way for people to add themselves to windows in your calendar, or actually opening your door
- Then go to your calendar and block out ‘open door’ times and ‘closed door’ times for every day this week. They can all be short intervals, and they don’t have to be the same time every day, but get them on your calendar so you can experience both of them fully.
- Also today, pick one form of knocking on someone else’s door.
- Maybe it’s texting, emailing, phone calling, or literally visiting someone
- Make a point of figuratively knocking, once a day.
- Notice what works and how you feel when someone reaches out, and when you do the knocking.
- At the end of the week, notice any changes in your relationships, and notice if being on both sides of the door gives you more ideas for ways to connect with others.
