We are always experiencing emotions, so why do we prepare for meetings by setting our demeanor to something neutral or politely positive??
More focused on not making a mistake than being myself
I remember part way through attending my first senior staff meeting, I was passed a piece of paper with an encouraging note to “share my voice.” I admittedly had been dipping my toe in the water, not yet knowing if it was even a swimming pool or a lake. I was trying to figure out the dynamics and flow of the meeting. And I was trying not to make a mistake.
The note felt like an encouragement to just ‘jump off the diving board!’ I realized that I would need to shift my mindset if I was ever going to do that!
Trying to be emotionally neutral got in my way
If I had paused before the meeting, and acknowledged my emotions, I would have said “hey, this is my first senior staff meeting! And I’m feeling nervous, defensive, and curious.”
It was okay that I was not showing up ready to frame an opinion on the fly and throw it into the mix. I could have though considered other ways to participate. Perhaps I could have asked questions. Maybe I could have shared how impressed I was at the speed and ease of the banter within the established group.
Rather than coming in neutral and figuring out how to be like them, I could have focused on what I was naturally bringing in the moment. If I had acknowledged my emotions, I know that I would have more valuably contributed in the meeting much sooner.
Exercise for your empathy muscle
So, here is an exercise to help you strengthen your empathy muscle:
- Today, identify at least one meeting (in-person or virtual) on your calendar each day this week.
- Before that meeting, write down for yourself one emotion that you’re having in that moment
- Then consider its potential impact
- If you are deflated, then you may need to focus energy into listening
- Perhaps if you are excited, then you may need to watch the pace you might be pushing
- Maybe if you are frustrated, then you may need to take an extra breath before talking
- When the meeting finishes, write down one emotion you have in that moment.
- At the end of the week, reflect on any patterns and changes that you noticed.
As you continue to explore, you can consider writing down two emotions, or three emotions before and after a meeting. Try to be really specific with the words you choose.
Here is an additional option: Start a meeting asking everyone to share, two words for how they are feeling or how they are showing up. Then wrap up the meeting with another round of two word answers for how they are leaving.
