When given a chance to stand out, do you take it? Or is your instinct to keep to yourself?
Do I have to wear it?
For my fiftieth birthday, I was lucky to have some dear friends meet me in New York City. It was a relaxed weekend, going to some plays and eating lots of food.
We met at the hotel. And just before we ventured out into the city, I was handed a present. When I opened it, I pulled out a tiara, with the number 50 on it.
It was a moment when I felt a lot of simultaneous emotions. Happy to receive a gift. Amazed at how it sparkled. Curious how to wear it. Cautious about when to where it. Nervous about wearing it in public.
Wearing a tiara wasn’t my ‘normal’. And in my observations, it wasn’t normal in New York City either. If I wore this outside, I would stand out. I would be commanding attention. And that meant opening myself up to negative reactions like teasing and weird looks. My first instinct was to put it back in the box ‘for later.’ Maybe at the restaurant for dinner.
But in that moment, I was being told, in no uncertain terms, that I was to put it on immediately and not remove it for the entire day.
So I shifted my mindset. Heck, I was 50, what did I care what random strangers thought? I was there to celebrate, and if something I won’t even be able to see myself, makes my friends happy, then that’s a good reason to do it.
So I put it on.
Cautious gave way to confident
I was not aware of anyone pointing at me as an oddball, or snickering.
I was aware of people on the street breaking into huge smiles when they saw me! This happened block after block. A woman even came up to say hello, wish me a happy birthday, and lament that she hadn’t worn one for her big day. That actually happened twice. I got high fives from total strangers. And I enjoyed hearing stories of other people’s 50th birthdays.
What I was initially leery of making me feel judged, actually made me feel confident and connected. So much so, that I wore it for the entire three day weekend. And even on the plane home. And after I ordered sparkling wine on the plane, the flight attendants gave me the whole bottle and a happy birthday note on a napkin – because the tiara told my story.
Taking action and being willing to be judged for it = accountable
I highly recommend birthday tiaras. But I also recommend that you think about the last time you committed to standing out, instead of keeping to yourself and not causing a stir. Taking action, and being willing to be judged for it, is what it means to be accountable – which is a key leadership skill. And one that needs deliberate practice for most of us.
Exercise for strengthening accountability
So here’s an exercise to strengthen your accountability muscle:
- Today, look at your calendar for this week, and identify 3 online sessions or in-person meetings that would be easy for you to just sit back in.
- Then, consider ways you could instead stand out, and set a reminder to do so. Perhaps it’s simply turning your camera on or sharing a thought in the chat. Or maybe it’s sitting next to an executive, or asking a question out loud.
- Through the week, when each meeting happens, do something to be seen.
- At the end of the week, notice what was easy, and what was hard, and what accountability felt like.
